time

Time makes you bolder even  children get older and I'm getting older too. This is from my all time favorite song Landslide by Stevie Nicks. I've been reflecting on this verse for years. This past year I've become bolder. I took a stand in having my own opinion , I've  realized I don't have to please everyone and I continue to try and fulfill my own expectations rather than depending on others.

My children got older , more mature and have taken steps to move forward with their own life. I overflow with joy and pride knowing they have made good  choices for themselves but I  miss the days when they were young. During this Christmas season I have memories of their past. I miss the times of their excitement of Santa and christmas tree decorations and school parties. I didn't know it would end until it ended. Time never stood still and it never will.

I'm getting older too. I've accepted things in life that are out of my control, I've become more quiet than ever but I still dance in the kitchen and play my music loud. As Christmas day approaches I will hold each memory close to my heart because time changes.


I'm looking forward to the new year...check
I believe in miracles...check
I rocked out to Bruce Springsteen "Santa claus is coming to town"...check
The clock is ticking...check

Love, Cici

It's all good

It's been awhile my friends. I've been running around in circles trying to find myself. Story of my life. My major issue is my job. I don't hate it but I don't love it either. I've tried to move forward but the universe  has been working against me lately. I'm such a positive person and I  always try to change my situation. I have no fear and I always have hope. I have great ideas and I dream big. I know my worth , I know I'm smart, I know I'm funny and kind and giving and I make the best wedding soup. I actually thought of selling my wedding soup but my kitchen is way too small.

I've learned that positive words brings positive energy. I've also learned that poisonous people bring negative affects. I contribute my downfalls to both. In the meantime I will do my job and be grateful for it,  stay positive and keep the snakes away.

I'm grateful for the people who understand me...check
I always pick myself back up...check
There's always something to smile about...check
I also make the best potato salad too...check


Love, CiCi

what does it mean?

In the past five hours I've heard two thought provoking stories.

1)This was a comment from a friend who lost a loved one due to a tragedy. "Don't take life for granted. Enjoy each moment as if it was your last."

2)This was a comment from a friend who is soon to undergo brain surgery due to tumors " I'm so grateful I have positive people in my life."

I've asked myself all day if I'm a positive person. I'd like to think I am but I have to work really hard at it. It's not something that comes easy for me. I can find fault in my life and complain about it which at times is a stress reliever. In order for me to be positive I have to choose my words carefully. When positive words are spoken the energy around me is lighter. It also helps when the people around me are positive. There's nothing more draining than negativity. I've had my share of it and tend to detach from the situation. I've come too far to allow another person to break my spirit.

I try not to take life for granted. I'm guilty of not living each moment to it's fullest. I haven't trained myself to do it. Again, it's not something that comes easy. Yesterday was an emotional and exhausting day due to situations that were brought on me by others. I spent my every minute filled with anger, frustration and strategies to solve the problem. I'm not doing so good with the living each moment to it's fullest thingie.

I am a work in progress. I don't know if I will ever be complete but I'm gonna give it a try. I'm still not sure what I'm searching for but for now I will settle for my self worth accomplishments.

Being positive is challenging...check
positive words soothe the soul...check
I learn from my mistakes...check
I am grateful for today...check


Love, CiCi

it's all mine

My husband is at lake Erie fishing with his buddies and I have the house all to myself tonight. I actually prepared myself for my big night by cleaning and doing laundry this afternoon. By the time he left everything was done and I was alone with nothing to do. I couldn't be more calm and relaxed right now. The TV isn't blasting and the kitchen is closed. I hear only silence right now. My pajamas were on my 7 pm and I've been playing on my computer ever since. I pinned and read blogs and deleted stupid spam. Once upon a time I would have been looking for somewhere to go but the thought of being alone sounded more exciting. I thought of having a glass of wine but I don't like to drink alone so I settled for a cup of coffee instead. 

Don't get me wrong. I love getting all dolled up and going places. I love adventure and live music and being with the people I love. Tonight was one of those rare moments that I took advantage of. I treated myself to me. 

I enjoy my own company...check

I'm finally comfortable alone...check

I love silence...check

I never got bored tonight...check

Love, CiCi

you gotta water it

I'm sure I'm not the only one who at one point thought the grass is greener on the other side. Social media totally messed with my head. I would open my facebook and see beautiful photos of vacations, perfect dinners and perfect lives. I was starting to believe my life really sucked. As I was scrambling to pay bills , make grilled cheese for supper and look half way decent for work my friends were living the perfect life. After careful review and soul searching I now know MY GRASS IS GREEN.

I came to realize everyone has burdens and I'm not the only one who struggles. I have days when I have wish my life was different. I wish I had nicer clothes ( thanks pinterest) a better job ( which by the way didn't turn out as expected) and a nicer house but...that's life

I no longer go on FB. I choose to talk, text or visit with my friends. For me it makes the relationship more solid. I need to hear a voice and a laugh. LOL doesn't cut it anymore.  It's been a year since I last checked my FB and I don't miss it at all.

I have great friends and family...check
soul searching was rewarding...check
no one will ever be perfect...check
I watered my grass and it grew...check

Love, CiCi

But what if...

I haven't slept  lately. I've had too much on my mind. I'm trying to make a life decision that will alter my lifestyle. By no one's fault but my own I've been programmed to do the same routine over and over again that it has become second nature. Days, months and years went by and I never changed.  During the years I became anxious, angry at my situation but most of all angry with myself. Many times I've thought about changing my lifestyle but fear stood in the way. Fear is so powerful and has such a hold on me but I'm going to break the cycle.

I'm tired of always second guessing myself and my abilities. I owe it to myself to break up with fear.  I will no longer be trapped in a situation and accept it. The words " but what if " are over. Done. The time has come. I feel it in my heart. I'm quitting my job. I'm moving forward with another job so let the cards fall as they may " se vuole dio".

I'm starting over...check
no one can control me except myself...check
my goals are in place...check
I'm going to get a good nights rest...check

Love, CiCi

words

A newscaster used the word "retro" today. It made me think of the words we use and their meaning. For instance, I feel the words "awesome" and "epic" are over used. We have a tendency to say "your hair looks awesome" or " that book was epic". There's so many exquisite, alluring and radiant words in the dictionary and we use the same words to communicate . I happen to like the word "lovely". It's a dainty and delicate word that flows velvety and rhythmic from my tongue.

Once upon a time the word "groovy" was used. It doesn't exist in the  dictionary but the word "ain't " does. I'm not criticizing our vocabulary but rather trying to determine where I stand in this generation. Even though I was born in the early 60's brings me to the conclusion that I'm adaptable and I'm still learning. Ain't that groovy?

I've gained wisdom...check
I don't like the word ain't...check
I like my thesaurus...check
I'm still cool...check

Love, CiCi

question mark...

Today I searched the blog world and read different blogs written by women. One particular blog was dedicated to a pair of shoes she wore over the weekend. She had 5 photos of the same pair and had tons of comments for it. Is it really that easy? Can I have tons of comments for wearing a cute pair of shoes? Well maybe not shoes ( read previous post) but maybe wearing a cute bracelet. I realize blogging can be anything we want it to be and that's okay but I wonder what the audience REALLY likes? Are we looking for true feelings and real life situations or are we looking for cute outfits? For me  I'm looking for the real deal...real life situations that gets me thinking. I want to know how people handle situations then have tons of comments which lead to a discussion. 

I'm a serious person when I'm passionate about a subject. I get excited and I talk with my hands. I'm also really funny and I make people laugh. I actually love to laugh. It's good for the soul. Not everything has to be serious and liking a pair of shoes is okay but for me I like reading about real life situations. I did learn that there's nothing wrong with boxed wine...good to know.

I'm philosophical...check

I like deep conversation...check

I like thought provoking quotes ...check

I prefer bracelets over shoes...check

Love, CiCi

A "dress"

I bought a new dress this week and I was going to write about my experience because it was comical and silly and had to do with body issues but that can wait. Instead I need to write about my comical and silly OCD. I opened my computer today and couldn't concentrate. My bed wasn't made and the kitchen floor needed cleaned even though I  cleaned it 2 days ago. I walked away from my blog and did chores instead. By the way I don't like the word "chores" so I'm gonna think of another word to replace it. Anyhow I came back to my blog and I feel so much better.

I'm a little mad at myself ( just a little) because I let my OCD take over but then I feel free because I got it out of the way. There's so much talk about OCD and ways to control it but at this point in my life I've accepted it. For me it's easier to give in than it is to control it. I find no reason to seek therapy because I've realized it's who I am and I like who I am. It's taken me a long time to accept myself. So what if I have days like this. The good news is I bought a cute dress.


My kitchen floor is clean...check
Today I like myself...check
My energy level is high...check
There's no further need to "a dress" the issue...check

Love, CiCi

Color me red

Where do I begin? I love to get my hair cut and colored. Since I can remember I've been obsessed with hair color and styles. When my kids were young ( 80's) me and the neighbor moms used to perm each others hair and then pull strands through the plastic cap and frost it.The word "frost" has now been re-named "highlight". Our hair ended up yellow and frizzy but we all looked the same so it didn't matter. My neighbor moved and I never got another perm again.

During that time the only magazine choices we had to choose a haircut from were the ones the salons offered. I would pick a haircut and end up being disappointed. I would grow it out and try again and again and again. I never felt pleased with my haircuts. I was always looking for that "something different" look but it didn't exist. 

I've always been a risk taker when it comes to my hair. I'm always trying to be different and always looking to change my appearance. This has been ongoing for 30 years. My hair is fine and straight with no body to it. I've tried years of haircuts and finally found what I like....a pixie. Thank goodness for the internet and pinterest.

I started going grey at 30 so hair color has been a priority. Being the risk taker that I am I've had deep purple, blonde, brown, red,  highlights and lowlights. As of this week I am now sporting a cute pixie with a deep rich dark red color and I'm loving it.

I'm passionate about hair and will continue to experiment...check

changing my hair makes me happy...check

Not everyone will love my hair and I'm okay with that...check

My 80's hair pictures are tucked away...check

Love, CiCi

Do you see beauty?

It was suggested to me that I challenge myself to see beauty in any form today.  I woke up sick this morning and didn't see beauty in that. I've been laying on the couch and have been looking at the same four walls...I still don't see beauty. It's officially spring and it snowed today...no beauty in that either.

I received a picture of the ocean today from my daughter. She took it as she was walking the beach. How sweet to share  with me and to let me know she's happy today. My friend stopped by earlier and handed me lunch. She knows I'm sick and wanted to do something special for me. How thoughtful and kind.

There's beauty all around us, we just have to look for it...check
I see beauty in the heart and spirit...check
I will make an effort to find beauty no matter what the circumstances are...check
I'm sick and in my pajamas but I FEEL beautiful...check

Love, CiCi

If the shoe fits

Sarah Jessica Parker created her beautiful new shoe line.  They're fun,colorful and strappy with a pointed toe and  a very skinny high heal.For someone like myself I find them impossible to wear. Unfortunately I have wide feet. 6 1/2 W to be exact.I've tried similar shoes on and my baby toe sticks out of the straps and my foot hangs over the sides.I'm yet to master the art of walking graceful let alone walking graceful on a high heal.

There aren't many shoes to choose from in the wide section.They usually have rubber soles and aren't very attractive.This is the reason I'm not a "shoe"girl.I have my basics and I buy my clothes according to the few pairs of shoes I own.When my friends want to go shoe shopping I usually decline.I'd rather wash walls then put myself through the agony of not being able to buy a cute pair.

I have my " imaginary" pretty blue box sitting on the shelf.They're dainty and strappy with a 6 inch heal in a midnight blue color.They're covered with crystals and individually wrapped in satin bags.

If the shoe fits wear it...check

I can't change my shoe size...check

I'm gonna try to walk more graceful...check

I don't mind washing walls...check

Love,CiCi

It's up and running.My blog was created March 8, 2014 thanks to my sister in law @bellabudblog. It took 6 hours of thinking, editing and more editing. Creating a clever name was a challenge not to mention my spelling and grammar.Having been an iphone user and the words spell themselves I never had to worry.I'm feeling the need to get my dictionary out but I don't know where it is.

I've pondered this blog for hours not sure of what to say.The funny thing is I have a lot to say. I've backspaced too many times and I am uneasy that I'm not using proper grammar.A half hour later I'm still backspacing.

don't worry about grammar right now...check
I was confident enough to create a blog...check
I wrote my first blog...check
I'm not perfect...check
I'm looking forward to being me...check
I'm hitting the "publish button now...check

Love, CiCi